kidney juice sometimes two just isn't enough

cats, seriously

I'm mostly certain I'm a cat trapped in a human body.  I spent most of my day rolling around on the floor telling a cat how soft it was, and that was my most successful day in weeks.

The simplicity of cat-life is appealing to me.  The necessity of food in any cat relationship is something humans should model our society around.  If we can reduce ourselves to our biggest problem being dinner not being served on time, I think we'll have reaching the pinnacle of existence.  I can personally attest that cats want nothing to do with me when full, but when hungry are the darndest, most loving balls of moody fur since cave-women.  One treat and we've built a functional relationship (fortunately, my friends accept either treats or nothing as payment for friendship, but I can't say that for everyone).

Why is it that a cat pawing at something is pretty much the most adorable thing ever, while a human groping for the same thing is positively repulsive?  I go to great lengths setting up situations for cats in which pawing is encouraged.

Today, I personally waited an hour longer than I was supposed to when feeding this cat.  Why?  Because I wanted to feel needed.  Cat did not disappoint.  Fueled by her inability to open closet doors, this cat played with me for the afternoon until I decided the punishment was no longer just unusual, but both cruel and unusual.

Another cat mannerism I believe we should adopt is their walking style; cats are one of the only mammals that walk R R L L as opposed to R L R L.  More people need to walk with more bounce in their step.  Humans should also take pleasure in a good roll around the living room floor.  Cats do, and so do I.

Cats are quite practical.  I am currently suppressing my urges to wear a hat made of live cats.