sewing with nancy

Anyone else remember this fantastic public television show?  Well, I've made it better:

UPGRADING A SHREK TWINKIE

Today's lesson is one of many frustrations.  You will need:

(1) twinkie

(15) blueberries

(1) knife

(2) toothpicks

(1) an open mind

Prep Time: 30 minutes

Servings: 1

Difficulty: moderate

You can find these twinkies at your local store.  Expect your checker-outer woman to make a snide comment about how gross these look (mine did, but when she saw I was also buying green jello she realized it was part of a larger problem I have).

Take your twinkie out and place it on the operating table:

Carefully slice your twinkie in half.  They are not very strong, and being too rough with them will cause unrepairable damage to the delicate calorie-sponge coating.

Now, start using your toothpicks to carefully remove the colorful innards of your subject.  This will take a while, as the sugar sticks to everything.  Try to save as much frosting as you can (i.e. don't lick your fingers too often).  When you're done your twinkie should look like this:

Gather your blueberries.  They'll go in easy, but be careful not to over-stuff.  You must preserve the aerodynamic twinkie shape at all costs (you'll see why in a second).

Ok, we're not looking too bad now.  If you used juicy berries you're going to have a mess,  but you can still pull this off.  Now, using the frosting you saved, we're going to cement the two halves back together:

Alright, now that we've remade our franken-twinkie, it's time for some fun.

The rebels are no match for imperial twinkie bikes.  Consume at your own risk.