insects
"Insects aren't bad."
Every time I'm caught complaining about an insect, someone tells me this. It's one of those lies that is ingrained in modern society. Let me dispel a few positive myths about insects for you:
Myth: bees don't want to sting you
Truth: bees are the insect equivalent of human beings born with machetes for arms. Good intentions don't prevent flesh wounds.
Myth: insects are industrious
Truth: insects have no idea what they're doing. Watch a moth fly around, and after it flies in circlies for 5 minutes, it will then proceed to do its best Icarus imitation while fatally investigating the nearest light. Destruction is the exact opposite of industry.
Myth: But what about ants? They build stuff!
Truth: actually, they are destroying the soil with their unlighted tunnels
Myth: ants are the only ok insects
Truth: Ants are the only awesome insect. Even so, they should be locked away in labor farms.
Myth: People eat insects
Truth: People also eat lettuce, but that doesn't make it right.
Myth: insects are a vital part of our ecosystem
Truth: if all insects would die, everything else would learn how to eat grass.
Myth: humans and insects can co-exist
Truth: insects are diabolical destruction devices hell-bent on perpetuating the species at our expense
Myth: there is no need to kill insects
Truth: what about the ones splattering all over my windshield? I don't even have to try and dozens of insects thrust themselves upon my speeding deathbed daily.
Myth: insects can help us
Truth: given the chance, an insect will rip you off like a dirt peddler at a flea market
Myth: "A Bug's Life" isn't the best animated film of all time
Truth: it is.
Myth: spiders can be poisonous
Truth: Highly doubtful. I've never been poisoned by a spider
Myth: but I saw this show on Discovery where they showed how great insects are
Truth: and I saw this show on SyFy where insects ATE people